Behind the bucket list

I have a lovely little book that was given to me by a dear friend filled with templates of letters to write to my future self — I've referenced it a few times on this blog before. Most of the letters start with a prompt — like what fears I want to face, or what places I want to go. Once you finish a letter, you seal it, date it, and mark when it can be reopened. That's the part that really gets me. Each time I pick a date, I'm subconsciously hoping what I've written will come true by that point.

It really hit me earlier this week. I wrote a letter on things I want to try, and I chose a date in 2021, because I figured in that span of time surely I'll have accomplished those things.

But how could we ever know such a thing?

It's fine and good to think up goals and hope that in a few years we'll have reached them, but who's to say our goals wont have changed by then? We are constantly changing and growing, and likewise, so are our dreams and goals.

In high school, I wrote up a bucket list. I didn't associate it as much with the concept of kicking the bucket as I associated it with the idea of the freedoms I expected to have post-high school, post-college. Some of the things on there crack me up today. I'm sure the teenager version of me would be hurt to hear that. Here is (in part) my bucket list from high school. I couldn't tell you when exactly I wrote it — but I think it was between 2016 and 2017.

EMMA'S BUCKET LIST

CIRCA 2016-2017

• Take a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa

• Meet Rupert Grint

• Write a novel, about anything

• Go to a Coldplay concert (check!)

• Ride a train

• Go to Australia

• Watch Star Wars (check!)

• Become fluent in Spanish + French

• Eat Italian food in Italy (check!)

• Climb a mountain — take pictures

• Design an outfit and have it made

• Buy and paint a piano

• Produce a play

• Make a decent painting

• Write a song

Honestly, it's somewhat of a miracle I still have this bucket list. If it wasn't in the middle of a journal filled with sketches and poems from one of the most creative times in my life, I'm sure it would've been tossed years ago. But even while I may not care about parts of the list now, I'm still glad I have it. I'm even happier to report I've done some of the things on the list. I like that I can look back at what my dreams were several years ago. I'm sure it'll feel the same way looking back at this in a few years.

I've thought about some bucket list ideas here and there in recent years, but hadn't collected them on paper. So I did just that.

EMMA'S BUCKET LIST

CIRCA APRIL 2019

• Return to Italy (specifically, Urbino)

• Learn to mend my own clothes

• Write a book of some variety

• Successfully own + take care of multiple plants at once

• Travel to Greece

• Shoot photos that I'm proud of. Blow at least one of those photos up onto a canvas

• See James Blake live in concert

• Start a journal and actually finish it

• Give a toast with jokes that actually make people laugh

• Become the kind of person that enjoys going on a run

• Lead a yoga class — even if, especially if it's just with friends

• See the view from the top of the Empire State Building

• Visit Portland, Oregon

• Go to grad school

• Learn how to draw or paint, and make something that I'm proud of

• Get a few more tattoos (sorry mom + dad)

• Visit Chicago again

• Get something I designed on a print

Maybe when I look back on this in a few years, I'll have crossed off some things. Maybe I'll have changed my mind on others. Maybe I'll have added 10 new things to the list.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.