staying friendly

The people we surround ourselves with define who we are. Friends come in all forms and serve all kinds of purposes. I've been fortunate to know several types of friends in my life, as I'm sure any of us have.

Before I graduated college, a friend who had graduated the year prior pointed out something spooky — the casual acquaintances that we knew would disappear. The friend from a group project or a girl you always saw in the hallway wouldn't be in proximity and suddenly you wouldn't see or hear from them. Those people still served a purpose in your life, whether they helped you get through that hard class or they always made you smile when you bumped into them. Even if you lose touch when the convenience is gone, there was a time in your life where that relationship brought you joy. That was still important.

You never know when a random acquaintance is going to become a fixture in your life, though. Four years ago, I didn't know 90 percent of the people I currently hold dear to my heart. Some of my closest friends were people I met in my freshman dorm or at an event for a campus club. These people that I first met out of convenience ended up sticking around even when it was hard. Over summer breaks and during difficult times, we still reached out to one another, kept in touch and pushed our relationships to grow. I've learned that, for me, the key to keeping these relationships strong is to treat them like new relationships. Keep getting to know more about the people in your life. When someone discloses something with me, I know they trust me and I want to honor that trust.

I've learned that when I give my friends the same level of trust and loyalty, they make it worth my while. What separates these friends from the for-now acquaintances is communication. I pride myself on my love of communication, but I know it can get hard when staying in touch with friends. As I prepare to leave the city I love and the school I've called home, I know it'll take much more effort on my part to stay engaged with these friends. But any reflection on my time spent with these people makes it clear that the challenge is worth the reward.

I grew up in a great town and spent 11 years getting to know people close to me. When I moved after high school, it was entirely hard to keep in touch with people, even though I had seen them incredibly often for over a decade. It doesn't mean that I don't value the friendships I had when I lived there, but distance proved difficult. The few people that I do keep in regular communication with make it clear that I always still have a home in my hometown. Even if I don't talk to them for weeks or months on end, I'm able to pick up with them exactly where we left off every time I see them. These kinds of friends are true gems. These friends are loyal, understanding, patient and good. The human beings that can respect communication but forgive space are amazing people to get to know. You can spend large amounts of time together with ease and joy but your relationship isn't destroyed if you can't hang out every day. We should all strive to be so loving toward our friends where we give them this sort of treatment.

Friends of any variety are a gift. It's a miracle that people are able to find others that make them feel comfortable and carefree. We just need to make sure we make them feel the same way in return.